wow. i actually liked this chapter a lot better than the first one. the grammar was more refined, as was the style and the characterisation (particularly jakob's). my only real problems would be that you briefly slipped into passive voice ("the negatives were tossed towards jake") and the word "had" was, to me, a little overused. other than that, though, a very good piece of writing and i look forward to chapter three.
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Date: 2009-01-04 05:42 am (UTC)